“I’m afraid of other people’s reactions”

“I don’t know how to protect myself from negativity”, “I’m afraid that they will say something bad to me”, “I think he will react badly to this”, “What if they laugh at me?”… C Such fears come into therapy very often.

The feeling of helplessness and vulnerability in contact with others is familiar to many. It can be generated by different attitudes, but it is always accompanied by the feeling that you and your interlocutor are in unequal conditions. As if he is stronger, more confident, and generally has more rights and power over you. Against the background of your perceived weakness, the other appears literally invulnerable.

A small child experiences similar feelings in front of a strict parent, who in his dissatisfaction seems absolutely right and omnipotent. And in fact: the well-being of the child, the satisfaction of his needs, his whole world depend on the parent. When this dependence is associated with the experience of horror, intense feelings of shame and guilt, fear of intimacy is inevitable. And the unestablished stable and safe connection with the parent does not allow you to get beyond the “childish” position, despite your age.

Now you are an adult, self-sufficient person and have much more control over what happens to you. However, that traumatized child still lives in this adult body, not feeling the strength to protect herself from this threatening world. It’s scary to show yourself “in the wrong way,” not to please someone else, or to cause dissatisfaction. After all, somewhere in the depths of your soul you remember perfectly well what…